I am not a great dater. I don’t have a ton of “game.” I quite honestly would like to have swag, but I don’t… and as hard as I’ve tried, at 28 years old, I don’t see this changing any time soon. However, I feel pretty comfortable in awkward situations, which is good, because most of my first dates have been awkward (admittedly my fault). I do my best to be a man who will support a woman well, and I do believe this is one of my strengths. As I reflect on my future wife, I’ve determined who I want to be for her. Here are three roles I want to fulfill (more to come in subsequent posts):
What in the world does it mean to be my bride’s companion? Quite simply, I want my wife to always know—with confidence and security—that I will stand by her no matter what life brings. I want her to know I will be there, and I want to believe that she will always be there for me.
I’ve seen this with my parents. As the relationship example I’ve witnessed my whole life, my parents show me that life will throw us situations that aren’t easy or ideal. They’ve stood by each other through cancer, job loss, weakening romance, death, heart disease, and their son going on a dating show and making out with 26 incredible women on national television.
Life’s given them many issues during many seasons, but they stand firm in their foundation: When life gets hard, they must love harder. I often hear the statement, “Relationships are hard.” Honestly, it doesn’t sit well with me. I understand the idea of bringing two unique individuals together—it’s really challenging—but why do we define it as hard? I can’t help but wonder… When we state that “relationships are hard,” are we simply settling for a small definition of one of the most magical aspects to life.
Sure, relationships are hard, but they’re also beautifully fulfilling and indiscernibly complex. When life brings you a relationship (romantic or not), it will change you. The beauty of companionship is that when life changes you, you will always have someone by your side. Furthermore, I think that if we choose the right companion, it will not be as hard as the world tells us.
I want my future wife to feel loved and be loved by me. I believe that when it comes to romantic relationships, the commitment to love the other above yourself is the core decision for a healthy forever. It’s not an easy choice. You must literally decide to give up part of yourself to your partner.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you should lose your identity or your dreams when you enter into a committed forever. What I’m saying is that you should commit to laying down your own life at the feet of what is right, what is honorable, and what is loving—in the best interests of your life partner. I also believe that when you choose the right person, sacrificing becomes a little more natural.
A dance partner
Allow me to get weird for a second. After all, this is my blog. Recently, I found myself thinking a lot about past and current relationships. Some have fallen away from me, and others are closer than I thought they’d be. Nevertheless, they’ve all affected me.
I sat here on my couch tonight. The lights were off; the house was quiet; and I stared at a burning candle (this one actually), preparing to write this post. The candle’s fire swayed and changed direction, affected by the smallest movements in this open space (You gave me permission to get weird). I can’t help but compare our lives to the wind’s effect on this small fire. Life is so fragile. The smallest decisions, the simplest movements, can change our direction and affect the future forever.
Admittedly, relationships can be the catalyst to the directions we choose in our lives. They’re the ways we “move” in this crazy world we’re all trying to figure out. The best relationships are just like a dance. Both parties are trying their best to help the other person move in a fruitful, beautiful way. Personally I’m not a great dancer. But with the right partner guiding me, helping me, teaching me, I can thrive—or at least look like I know what I’m doing.
By Ben Higgins
What are your dreams for your present or future relationship?