Ben Higgins' perspective on The Bachelor Winter Games

The Bachelor Winter Games: My Perspective

By Ben Higgins

Thomas Rhett once said the day you stop looking back is the day you start moving on. The man speaks truth. For me, this advice has never felt wiser than during my time on The Bachelor Winter Games.

If you’ve been watching other things (like the actual 2018 Olympics), The Bachelor Winter Games is a spin-off show created and produced by the same production team as The Bachelor, a show I participated in. Although I didn’t expect it, The Winter Games gave me the opportunity to reflect on the past few years and revealed where I’m at right now. Let me tell you why.

I didn’t know what I was getting into

When I signed up for Winter Games, no one — not even the producers — knew exactly what it would entail. So, every contestant had to trust the producers and creators on a whole new level. I found this rather easy since I’d worked with this team before. But some international contestants had no idea what they were getting into. (Props to them.)

When we arrived at our filming location, The Hermitage Club in Vermont, we learned the show details. After appearing on The Bachelorette and The Bachelor, I anticipated a lighthearted experience. However, this wasn’t always the case.

It is a dating show

The Winter Games was truly a show about dating and relationships. When Chris Harrison gave us a rundown, I faced the question, “Am I ready to date?” More specifically, “Am I ready to pursue a relationship on national television?” I had a hard time accepting the idea that the public would view and judge a relationship I could pursue. Being scrutinized takes a huge toll on a couple.

Ben Higgins on The Bachelor Winter Games

That being said, it was good to confront the idea I could be ready to date again. After serious reflection, I decided I was ready. I’m excited about the possibility of committing again. And I don’t think I would have confronted this issue head-on if it wasn’t for the show.

Most of us have experienced breakups, and most of us need time to regroup.

My advice: Intentionally reflect on your personal failures and successes in the past relationship. Process your actions and behaviors — even more than blaming your former partner. In the end, you can only control yourself. Once you take this intentional time, then take a step forward; talk to someone new and explore what a relationship may look like. It won’t always be easy, even if your situation may be good.

A lot of emotions resurfaced

If you’ve watched The Winter Games, then you’ve probably seen me cry in previews. I have told you before, I cry when I feel things, and honestly I like a good cry! Some may call my tears “unmanly,” but this is the man I am and I am good with that. I think I would miss truly feeling emotions to the point of tears more than I would want to never feel anything at all. So, with that… let me cry.

So, I cried. Because the last time I appeared on a Bachelor show I was walking away in the happiest state I’ve ever been in. I had never imagined participating in The Winter Games for many reasons, and it reminded me of the time I spent pursuing a potential life partner. I found myself facing questions I’d contemplated years before, and it hurt because I never imagined facing those questions again.

When you find your life partner, you feel a certain peace. And there’s some pain when you put yourself in situations that reminds you of those times. But with Thomas Rhett’s words in my mind, I’d like to move forward… maybe on a winter dating show. Wow, life is weird.

Have you found yourself in a surreal situation, forced to confront your past?


Images courtesy of ABC/Lorenzo Bevilaqua

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  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    Well said, Ben. I am proud of you. It sounds like it may have been just what you needed to reflect, the courage to face, and the power to move on and explore new options. While my most recent relationship wasn’t public like yours, I 100% understand where you’re at and certainly was not expecting to be starting over right now. But I have trust that my soul mate is out there… we must keep our eyes and hearts open!

  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 5:18 pm

    Ben, I love reading your words and hope that this processing and time brings you clarity and peace. Also, your work with Humanity and Hope is incredible!

  • Reply
    brandon kyle
    February 19, 2018 at 5:36 pm

    you the man, ben. much love

  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 5:37 pm

    Very cool perspective and huge Thomas Rhett fan, always has a good narrative on life and I think anytime I listen to a Thomas Rhett song I am forced to confront parts of my past, haha!

    All jokes aside, although that was only half joking, I was forced to confront my past when taking on my new job a few years back. Literally all of my coworkers play a huge roll in my life growing up, one when I was 3, one when I was in junior high, and two in high school. It was a little sureal walking into the first meeting and feeling a bit like I was facing every major milestone come rushing back, and thankfully all good memories and how influential each of these precious people had been in my life. It made me think of that phrase of who we will meet in heaven ( not sure if I know how that all works?) and also just how incredibly good God is and how is literally orchestrates every single portion of of lives. He’s good and brings people into our life in the most surreal and seemingly impossible ways! All good memories and past to be faced, because He works everything for good!

  • Reply
    Vanessa Hotlosz
    February 19, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    Honestly, I only watched the Bachelor winter games because you were on it. Why? You’re athuenticity! The realness you bring to the bachelor brand is awesome. Keep it up and you’ll definitely find the right one 🙂

    • Reply
      February 20, 2018 at 9:22 am

      My feelings exactly!!! Ben keeps it real. Thanks for putting yourself out there and showing what true vulnerability and transparency with your feelings can do for personal growth and blossoming relationships. 🙂 Love and blessings to you, Ben!

  • Reply
    Vanessa Hotlosz
    February 19, 2018 at 5:56 pm

    I spelled your wrong and I’m ashamed *face palm* … anyway like I said, keep up the good work and avoid grammar tradegies and I think you will be just fine.

  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 5:59 pm

    Proud of you! Way to get back on the horse. You’re perfect for someone out there. This season of waiting, is when the Lord teaches you the most.

  • Reply
    Leanna Galang
    February 19, 2018 at 6:01 pm

    Thanks Ben, for sharing!

  • Reply
    Krysten Isenhower
    February 19, 2018 at 6:06 pm

    I recently joined a running group where I was asked to coach for the okc memorial marathon. Super cool opportunity and I’m so thankful for it! What I wasn’t expecting is how In tune my group would be with ME. They want to know everything. They want to know what’s inside my brain and what made me in to the runner I am today. A huge part of that being my brother being KIA in Afghanistan in 2011. I’ve told my story many times, so I’m rehearsed, but questions are new. Usually when I speak, there are no questions. So feelings have come up from those questions that have taken me back to September 9, 2011. It is scary, but I love going back to that place to see just how far I have come.

    Ready is a good word and I wish you the best of luck in your dating endeavors! Whoever she is will be one lucky lady!

  • Reply
    Morgan Barker
    February 19, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    Love your thoughts! Thank you for always sharing & being so vulnerable with your fans. It takes a lot to put yourself out there constantly and I admire you for it.

  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    Rooting for you Ben ❤️

  • Reply
    Amy S
    February 19, 2018 at 6:57 pm

    I admire your approach on how you have handled heartbreak and moving forward. You are a Godly man and it’s very attractive and refreshing to see. Thank you for always sharing your authentic feelings and thoughts – many can relate!

  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    That’s my favorite…you *do* have to stop looking back. Eyes forward and focus up.


  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    awww ben! Thank you for sharing this with us. I saw your whole season of the bachelor and the reason why i am seeing the bachelor winter game is bc of you. I am 17 and so far dated zero but is because I am afraid of getting into relationships. It is mostly bc i am just afraid of getting hurt or feeling hearbroken bc I have seen how it affects ppl. Sharing your take on what stage of life you are in and how you are moving on makes a little at ease that i will probs be okay as an adult dealing with those things. 🙂 God bless <3

  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 8:01 pm

    Really admire your ability to confront your fears like that. Even if you don’t end up with someone on the show, it seems like it really helped you move forward as a person, and that—in my opinion—is more important than finding your person. So happy to see you make your comeback; wish you nothing but the best.

  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 9:08 pm

    Thank you for unapologetically being who you are Ben. Thank you for showing television what a real man looks like. Thank you for caring for people and loving people the way you do. Thanks for walking in the light.

  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    You seem so genuine and that’s not something you see often on these show’s! You really seem like a kind guy, and I love how you love the Lord! By the way, I also enjoy a good cry and I think it’s very healthy and not “unmanly” at allllll!! I think it just shows how genuine and intentional you really are. Anyway thanks for sharing! Wish you the best!

  • Reply
    Amber A
    February 19, 2018 at 9:50 pm

    There’s so much confusion when it comes to timing. This is especially true when it comes to God’s timing and his best for our lives. Count it a blessing that you have intuition when it comes to the matter. It means you’re genuine. Experiencing raw emotion (especially when it comes to reliving life experiences) directly correlated with unmet expectations are intense.

    I’ve been there. I’ve been the person attending a wedding, happy for the couple, but unable to control the hurt I was living through in the moment as I realized the couple stepping into their happily ever after wasn’t made up of God’s design for me — YET. Keep hope. Know there are people who are hoping for you, that God’s best would present itself in His perfect timing and you would be genuinely in awe of how good He is in His faithfulness.

    Keep up the awesome work! I’m loving following generous coffee and the hearts behind it.

  • Reply
    February 19, 2018 at 11:33 pm

    “…but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12)

  • Reply
    Tacey Mullen
    February 19, 2018 at 11:52 pm

    I’m a big Bachelor/Bachelorette fan and always found you to be authentic which is a hard quality to find in people anymore. I think you made the right choice putting yourself out there again and I think it’s great you do things when you know you are ready. I was sad for you when I saw what you went through after your season ended but am happy to see you are coming out on the other side stronger. Loved the perspective and I’m excited to watch the rest of this season!
    P.S. I’m from Indy too!

  • Reply
    Karen Schaefer
    February 20, 2018 at 7:40 am

    I always admire a man who can cry show your feelings a good cry cleans the soul I only watched winter games because you were on it and once again you didn’t disappoint ty I on I you have moved on and I hope you find love in God’s time just keep keeping it real tc⚘💯

  • Reply
    February 20, 2018 at 10:25 am

    Philippians 3:13-14 (NKJV)
    13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

  • Reply
    Anouska gray
    February 20, 2018 at 10:47 am

    We dont have the winter games here in the u.k yet but will look forward to watching it if it does. You are a great, honest and real gentleman ben and wish we had more of you in this world.

  • Reply
    Changed to protect the innocently crushing
    February 20, 2018 at 12:58 pm

    I’m sure you get a ridiculous amount of fan mail. I’ve never actually written fan mail before. I mean, I’m a 32 year old physician. What would my colleagues say? But there’s just something about your character that entices a familiarity, such that you invaded my dreams last night. Rude. 🙂 Very PG, don’t worry. And so I found this site. I think you should let me help you move on. I’m fit (HIIT hurts). I’m attractive (pre photo shop). I don’t cry in ever episode (I’m not a pretty cryer). I’m worldly (grew up abroad). I’m fun (thrill seeker, down for anything (hey now, I said PG)). And I’m freakin’ hilarious (my patients tell me so, even before I pick up a scalpel).

    Email me. I want to know you.

  • Reply
    Kristin Anderson
    February 20, 2018 at 1:08 pm

    I love your insight into things. Thank you for sharing. I think we all look forward to the day when you find true happiness. You deserve it!

  • Reply
    Lauren J
    February 20, 2018 at 4:47 pm

    Well said, Ben! That Thomas Rhett song is one of my favorites of his and is so true!

  • Reply
    February 20, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I so needed to read this today, as I sit in my car about to tear down.

    It brings comfort to read that others have gone through the same and struggle with moving on at a “timely” manner. You are not alone and doing great! That’s what I tell myself after heartbreaks. Thanks Ben!

  • Reply
    February 21, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    You are the most amazing Bachelor ever ,Kind ,honest Loving God bless you !

  • Reply
    February 22, 2018 at 1:14 am

    You remind me so much of my ex husband. What he and I went through is not what you and Lauren went through but I bet it’s similar. Like you, I wanted so bad to be loved, real passionate love. I prayed everyday to be a mother. I was broken by my ex husband. It was the most beautiful and saddest time of my life. But… I held onto God’s plan. I held onto my trust. I let go, let God… 2 years after my divorced I met my partner. The one He wanted me to meet all along. We are 3 babies in love. Hold onto your dream. By the way. I’m a semi retired Cirque Du soleil performer and I was on tv and my ex husband was a well known music producer…. having your lovelife displayed for the world to see is hard. But. It allows, like myself, to resonate and pray for you. I don’t know you. But I feel like I know you. Funny thing is, I never even knew what the bachelor was till your season. You’ll find your partner. You’ll be a dad. And when that moment happens, you’ll realize it was the plan all along.

  • Reply
    February 22, 2018 at 8:45 pm

    You’re incredibly genuine, Ben. Your words are truly inspiring. I hope to move forward and find an honest, generous and kind man just like you.

  • Reply
    Janelle Solviletti
    February 23, 2018 at 11:25 am

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is embrace emotions as they come. I truly believe that people fear them, because they can offer so many highs and lows, and everyone just wants to exist in the highs– but sometimes the lows of reflection are where we learn the most about ourselves, and love itself.

    Great and interesting post, Ben.


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