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“Will I be the next bachelor?” First off, let’s be clear, I’m positive that The Bachelor team has chosen someone who fits the role perfectly. I say this because I remember when I accepted the role of the bachelor; I worried the show selected me as a second choice — and I didn’t want to be a pity pick. So I do not want to communicate, whatsoever, that the future bachelor is a second choice. I’m confident they’ve selected a charming gentleman who the women will be really excited to meet (and at this point I have no clue who it is).
However, I’ve received a LOT of feedback about becoming the bachelor again. I never expected that I would need to respond to this question again. But life is funny and here I sit, considering my answer. To be clear, The Bachelor was a huge honor, and I will always be grateful for the opportunity. I just did not want to be at a place in life where being the bachelor was possible again.
Currently my pride and I are struggling to process whether the proposition is a compliment or a huge kick in the undercarriage. Regardless, I’ve committed to The Mahogany Workplace being a place of authenticity and transparency, so I’ll share my thoughts.
To process this question fully, we need to start at the beginning. Three years ago, a coworker and friend submitted me to The Bachelorette. As a 25-year-old, I’d recently moved to Denver, ended an important romantic relationship, and started a new job — all huge life changes on their own. I was still a little naive to life outside of Indiana, the land of pork, corn, and Busch Light. The Bachelorette gave me an opportunity to expand my world views, meet new friends, and potentially fall in love. In short, my time on the show was nothing short of incredible. And my life changed forever in a positive way thanks to Kaitlyn Bristowe.
Side note: Can we talk about how great Kaitlyn was as a bachelorette? She deserves a ton of credit. After being the bachelor myself, I gained a ton of respect for the way she handled herself and stuck with the process. Kaitlyn was vulnerable with the men and the show in general. She treated each of her suitors with respect and ultimately followed her heart to one of the studliest men I know, Shawn Booth. Okay, okay, I will stop my tangent. But seriously I think very highly of Kaitlyn and Shawn.
Clearly, the friendships I made and things I experienced changed the way I view people and the world. Getting to know myself better through The Bachelorette (more to come on that in a future post) prepared me to start my search for my life partner on The Bachelor.
Being the bachelor: part 1
Let me be straightforward: Being the bachelor or bachelorette isn’t always fun and easy. For the most part the emotional experience puts both the contestants and bachelor or bachelorette in extremely difficult situations. By the end of the show everyone is completely drained, which you can expect when you begin and end 25-plus relationships in three months.
I recently said that anyone who comes out of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette emotionally unscathed entered the show with the wrong intentions. You need to prepare to be a support system, truth teller, bad news sharer, and love seeker to many people at one time. My point: After The Bachelorette I was emotionally prepared to take on The Bachelor and I was excited about the opportunity to meet my life partner.
So, will I be the bachelor again?
Great question! One of my favorite speakers and pastors is Andy Stanley from Atlanta, Georgia. I listen to him each week, and he packs his sermons with relatable insights. A few years ago he did a four-part series titled, “The Best Question Ever,” which suggests that with every decision we encounter in life, we must ask ourselves, “What is the wise thing to do?”
As a result of this series and book, I ask myself this question many times a day. It guides me to what is smart, God-centered, and pure. So, as I considered the possibility of being the bachelor again, I asked myself, “Would it be wise?” And to be honest, I do not feel like being the bachelor would be a wise choice for me right now. Here’s why:
- I am not ready for another relationship to take place in the public eye.
- I am not able to be the man I would want to be for the women participating in the experience. I sense that I couldn’t prepare my heart to get engaged six months after my previous engagement ended. (I’m focusing on loving others better in non-romantic settings.)
- If I did the show again I’d want to ensure that my intentions were pure and I was doing it — wait for it — for the right reasons.
- The scrutiny that would result from doing the show twice makes me hesitate to participate.
- And last but not least I have some exciting things that I’m passionate about going on right now. And I do not want to neglect them (The Mahogany Workplace, Generous International, my full-time job at Talisys, and the “Almost Famous Podcast“).
Every decision we make comes with consequences. At this point in my life I do not believe I’m ready to be the bachelor again. However, with that being said, a lesson I’ve learned over the last few years: Don’t close doors to any possibilities. I’ve said, “I would never do that” too many times, and then I found myself doing that very thing a few months later. So, I’m not saying “never”; I’m just saying “not now.”
By Ben Higgins
How do you evaluate tough decisions?